overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
