started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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