after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
