Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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