I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
