watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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