turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
