And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
