im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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