Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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