we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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