is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
