i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
