don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
