There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
