New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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