I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His nipple licking is glorious
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