I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
