I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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