Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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