Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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