I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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