His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
