I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
