his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
