I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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