I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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