Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
