you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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