brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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