sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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