I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
