your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
