I faked an abortion last night.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
