she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
