i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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