he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
