The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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