oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
