he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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