If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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