therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
