Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
zippers are such a cool invention
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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