I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
