where am i from again
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
