I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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