Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
