What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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