Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
