she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
