My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
