I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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