We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
