He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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