she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
