Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
