That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
