She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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