Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
