Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
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no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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