Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
