Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
