I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
