legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
