When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
