we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
